October 1, 2007

Toxic friends - avoid them all

It's good to have friends.

Some are close and are always available to talk over problems with. Some are just friends that may be fun to be around but can drag you down and keep you from being at your best.

Avoid friends that are negative or seem to be less than supportive in things you say and do. These so called "toxic friends" can cause you to be unsure of yourself, lower your self-esteem and cause you to not be at your best when you need to be.

Read more about clues that can help determine which friends are good and which should be avoided...
News & Observer
October 1, 2007
Julia Feldmeier, Special to the Washington Post

Five toxic types to avoid as friends

Ah, friends. We can't live without 'em, right? But what of our pals who, instead of empowering us, make us feel a little less confident or a little more aggravated? That's toxic. Here are five types to watch out for in your social circle:

The Naysayer. You have a great idea for a new business venture. It's a pipe dream, you know; you'll probably never get the start-up capital to go forward, but the idea excites you anyway. Your friend laughs and says you must be kidding. "They're not supportive. They tell you the ways it could possibly fail," Marni Kamins, co-author of "The Breakup Repair Kit," says of this kind of friend. "They're a negative person."

The Passive-Aggressive. This is the friend who notes aloud that you just got a new haircut but says nothing about whether it looks nice. "It's the friend that strikes when you're talking about your love life or when you've just achieved something," says Mike Albo, author of "The Underminer: Or, the Best Friend Who Casually Destroys Your Life" -- and instead of making you feel good about yourself, he shoots you down.

The Peer Pressurer. You've got to get up early Sunday morning to study for the LSAT. Your friend knows how important this test is to you, knows how much you need to study. Yet when you try to exit the bar at midnight on Saturday so you can get some rest, she calls you lame -- stay for just one more beer! "They don't respect your boundaries," Kamins says. "They only want to do what's best for them."

The Plan Breaker. The two of you are on for Saturday night dinner: pizza and beer while you test out your Nintendo Wii. Whoops, no, you're not: A co-worker has invited him to a Nats game. Box seats. Sorry -- those dinner plans weren't definite, were they? "They say they have plans with you, and then they're subject to change at the last minute," Kamins says. "They cancel on you because something better came along."

The "You're Making Me Into a Bad Friend" Friend. It's hard to place, but something doesn't feel right when you're with her. You feel anxious or competitive. "Do you silently cheer when bad things happen to her?" asks Patti Kelley Criswell, co-author of "A Smart Girl's Guide to Friendship Troubles." "Do you feel guilty afterward because you said things or thought things that you know are not what good people do? A toxic relationship is one that brings out the worst in you." Original article...



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